Tell Me Why You Love Me (TMWYLM) Read online

  I noticed he had caught Joe's attention a little with the question, and I knew why.

  I turned to face forward and shrugged. "Well, I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't curious! But..." I lowered my eyes and smiled weakly. "It's not really any of my business. It doesn't involve me, so I won't ask. Besides-" When we reached the stairs, I glanced to Jordan and Joe, who had his head turned a little. "It's obvious to me it's something you want to keep me out of, so I won't push you for an answer. In fact, I won't ask at all."

  Even though I say that, I am extremely curious! But if it involves Josh, I think it would be best to get it out of him, first...

  "Freesia!" As the three of us were on the ground floor, I saw Craig run towards me from outside. He had the baseball in his hand, throwing it from his left, to his right hand continuously. "Sorry about leaving you, earlier..." He admitted, looking down at his feet.

  Okay, even if he was sad, he still looked cute! I couldn't help but ruffle his hair up and have a big grin on my face. "Don't worry about it! I was the one who told you to go in the first place!" I reassured him and removed my hand from his head, seeing that big childish smile on his face. C-U-T-E!

  He went in for a hug and nuzzled his head into my chest. "Thanks, Freesia. Love you, sis!" I heard him say.

  Normally I would snap at him for that, but I don't know. Maybe it was the fact he was a cute kid, or the fact he told me he loves me, I couldn't be angry at him. I glanced at both Jordan and Joe who had their eyes wide , knowing what I was thinking.

  Instead I gave the two older boys a gentle smile and returned Craig's hug. "Love you too, Craig." I whispered to him, tightening my hold on him and rocking a little.

  I released my grip on Craig and pulled away from him, smiling.

  "Check you out, brat! Never knew you were into toyboys!" I heard Jordan from behind me, that teasing voice of his. I turned and glared at him.

  "Toyboy?" Craig's voice asked me and I turned to face him again, ruffling his hair.

  "Something you shouldn't know about until you're older." I explained to him showing a stern look and tapping the tip of his nose with my finger. My eyes veered to his hand, holding a baseball and I gave him a gentle smile as I hatched an idea, changing the topic quickly. "Could I borrow your baseball for a sec?" I asked him.

  Craig looked to his hand holding the baseball and then back at me. "Uh, sure, Freesia." He stretched his arm towards me and dropped the baseball into my open hand.

  I mouthed him a thanks and turned to run outside. "You guys go eat, I'll be there in a minute!" I called back to the three boys, obviously a little confused, but I ignored them.

  Instead, my focus was set on the boy sitting on the top of the hill, just staring out to the Ocean. I was hoping that this would work... At least get him to talk to me a little, even if it was just one word... Or even smile at me.

  When I was at the base of the hill I cleared my throat. "Can you catch?" I yelled over the wind, grabbing the attention of Josh quite quickly.

  Before he had a chance to react, I threw a fast ball directly towards him. With little trouble, he snapped it in his hand, his eyes showing some confusion and unsurity. He looked at the ball and then back at me several times.

  When his gaze finally decided to stick to me, I gave him a gentle smile. "Y'know-" I started as I made my way up the hill to Josh's side. "My mom used to play baseball." I confessed, trying to hold back painful nostalgia. "She was the reason why I started playing in the first place. She practically taught me everything I know about it. I guess... Baseball, for me, is something that makes me feel like my mom's still here." I turned to look at the Ocean, reaching out to it. "It's like every swing, every throw I do, connects me to my mom."

  I felt a warm tear trickle down my cheek. Only one, though. My eyes focused on Josh, standing next to me just listening to me. I smiled at him and laughed a little. "That time I told you I played baseball in a boy's team? That was actually my mom's idea. She told me a little saying, too."

  I cleared my throat, and turned my body to face Josh. "It doesn't matter who you are, or what you are, as long as you want to do something you want to do, then do it." I recited one of my mother's sayings and smiled. "And right now, what I want to do... Is talk to you." I stated.

  There was silence between us for a moment, but eventually Josh decided to interrupt it.

  "I thought you don't like talking about your mom. I thought it brought back painful memories." He explained, a solemn look on his face.

  My eyes redirected to the Ocean. "Yeah, it does..." I confessed. "But, they also bring back happy memories, too. And, besides-" My eyes lowered to my feet as I tried to fight back the tears. "Someone made me realise I was running away from the truth. And I'm tired of running"

  "Really?" I turned to see Josh with a weak smile playing at his lips. "Who was that? Jordan?"

  What? I shook my head. "No, not Jordan. It was my mom. Or at least the mom in my dream... Why did you expect it was Jordan?" I asked him, a little confused.

  A small laugh escaped Josh's mouth and he averted my gaze. "You're oblivious, Free!" He announced, holding a pure smile on his face.

  I couldn't help but feel warm inside due to the fact I'm finally talking with him normally again, but it faded as I gave him a quizzical look. "Geez, first my mom and now you? Seriously, what am I oblivious to that involves Jordan?" I pouted, crouching down and drawing circles in the grass. "He's an ass. A jerk. And a pervert..." I mumbled to myself, narrowing my eyes.

  "And yet you hang around him?" He interrupted me in a gentle whisper.

  I looked up at him and meekly smiled "Well, he does have his good points, too. I mean, he has cheered me up and looked out for me..." I explained quietly, feeling the wind caress my cheeks. "It's almost like every time he's nearby, all my troubles just fade away..."

  "I'm sorry, Free." I snapped out of my trance when I heard those saddened words from Josh and I looked up to him. "I... I took advantage of the situation and hurt you. I never meant to, but still... I hurt you. I..."

  "Stop." I whispered to him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and pulling him into a hug. "You didn't hurt me, Josh. Confused and lost, yes. But never hurt. If you punched me or kicked me, then I'd be hurt." I joked to him.

  "I still feel sorry..." He whispered, hesitantly returning my hug. "Because, even though it was unintentional-" He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me away, looking in my eye. "I like you, Free. Not in a friend or brotherly way."

  I returned his statement with a smile. "I know." I told him. "A kiss like that, it would be more surprising if you didn't like me!" I laughed a little, but it soon faded as my eyes narrowed. "But, I'm sorry. I-"

  Before I could finish, Josh wrapped his arms around me and pulled me towards him. "I know. I think if you were to like me back, a certain someone would get jealous and extremely peeved." He chuckled to himself, holding me a little tighter. "But, thank you. For understanding." He whispered.

  I pulled away from him and gave him a scowl. "Actually, there is one thing I don't understand." I stated.

  "What is it?"

  "Who is this 'certain someone' you're on about? Joe? Craig? Jordan? Who?" With my question, Josh couldn't help but laugh at me. "Hey! What's so funny!?" I asked him, folding my arms, feeling a small blush of embarrassment grow on my cheeks.

  Josh shook his head at me in despair, a smile still on his lips. "You're hopeless!" He stated. I slapped him on the arm in an annoyed retort. "But, that's what makes you, you!" He added, ruffling my hair a little before just leaving his hand there.

  "Hey, Freesia! Josh!" we both heard a voice from the base of the hill and looked to see Craig waving his hand. "Jordan's making pancakes! You better hurry if you don't wanna miss out!" He yelled at us.

  My eyes widened. What, so Jordan cooks, too? Who the hell is this dude?

  I felt a hand slap on my shoulder and I turned to see Josh getting to his feet. "Come, on. Craig isn't kidding, they really will be gone if we don't
go now!" He joked. "Here." He added as he stretched his hand out in front of me.

  I hesitated a little, but took it in my own and he helped me to my feet, letting go as we turned to make our way down the hill.

  Chapter 17

  "Are his pancakes that good?" I asked as I followed Josh down the hill and to the villa.

  Josh nodded, placing his hands behind his head. "Yeah, if you've never had them, you're seriously missing out!"

  My eyes focused on the ground in front of my feet. "So, he's a good cook?" I asked him, shoving my hands in my pockets. "What is he: Superman?" I laughed a little.

  "Well, when our dad left and mom got the job as a Psychiatrist, Jordan was left to look after us a lot of the time. Mom taught him the basics and he learned the rest out of practice." Josh explained to me.

  My eyes narrowed. "Must have been tough for all of you, huh." I stated, more than asked.

  "Hey, that's a little harsh, isn't it, brat? You haven't even tried my pancakes and you're insulting them!" My body jolted as Jordan butted in, standing in front of us with two plates piled high with pancakes covered in honey and a strawberry on the top pancake. I was surprised I never noticed the sweet aroma before I saw them!

  I looked at the green emerald eyes in front of me and scowled. "You know I never meant it like that, jerk." I stated coldly, almost glowering at him.

  He gave me a wry smile and then turned to face Josh, handing him one of the plates. "Looks like you two are talking again, I see." He stated, giving his younger brother a gentle smile, ruffling his hair after Josh grabbed the plate. "Good for you!" He added, before turning to me holding the other plate pile high with pancakes in front of me.

  I smiled at him and went to grab the plate, but at the last second, Jordan moved it. My eyes caught his teasing look as he moved the plate out of my reach every time. The guy was ticking me off, big time.

  "Jordan, give me the plate now, dammit!" I protested, trying to reach to it as he raised it above his head.

  He laughed. "If you want it, you have to repeat what I say." His eyes showed intimidation as he spoke those words.

  I growled at him. "No way! You're gunna make me say something stupid! I'm getting those pancakes from you one way or another!" I stated, straining my voice as I reached as high as I could but it wasn't high enough. "Give it!" I yelled, stepping closer to Jordan and placing my hand on his chest for balance as I raised onto my tiptoes. "Jordan!"

  Suddenly, Jordan shifted his body and moved the plate further around, forcing me to lose my balance and fall into Jordan's chest. I was about to retort, but Jordan's voice cut me off. "I'll give it to you if you repeat what I say." He said almost straightforwardly.

  I released a sigh and lowered my head into his chest before stepping back and showing him a sarcastic smile. "I'll give it to you if you repeat what I say. There! I repeated it, happy now?" I gave him a teasing grin.

  It seemed he ignored my comment and leaned back a little, making him look taller. "Say 'I am a brat'"

  "You are a brat." I repeated blankly. Seeing the lack of amusement in Jordan's face I rolled my eyes. "Okay! I am a brat."

  "And I am the obedient servant to my Master."

  "And I am the obedient servant to my Master..."

  "The wonderful, generous and caring Jordan Baxter!"

  "The wonderful... Generous... And caring... Jordan Baxter..."

  "I do as he says."

  "I do as he says..."

  "I will never leave his side."

  My eyes widened and I stepped back. "Hey! This is getting stupid! These pancakes of yours seriously aren't worth all of this!" I explained to him before walking passed him and into the villa.

  "Hold on there, missy." I heard Jordan say in a playful voice, grabbing me by the wrist so I couldn't escape. "You clearly stated that you'd do anything I say... And I thought you stayed true to your word no matter what? Or... Was that a lie?" The jerk's smug look pissed me off...

  "I also said you were generous and caring. The fact you're trying to blackmail me proves that was a lie!" I stated, a smirk on my lips.

  Jordan leaned his body so he and I were eye-level. That also meant his face was only a few inches from mine. "Then, tough! Looks like you won't be tasting my pancakes any time soon!" He stated. After he said that, he pulled away from me, releasing my wrist and walking into the kitchen.

  "Fine! I didn't want to eat any of your shitty pancakes, anyway!" I yelled back after him, pouting a little. "Why would I want to eat pancakes made by such a huge jerk in the first place?" I mumbled to myself.

  "Wow, you two are on level playing fields!" I heard Josh comment, laughing a little before taking a bite of one of the pancakes on his plate. "But don't worry. I'm sure he'll give in to your demands sooner or later." He added and gave me a gentle smile.

  I gave him an indifferent look. "Really? Level playing fields?" I pointed to the kitchen and my face turned irritable. "The jerk's won!" I explained to Josh as he munched on the honey covered pancakes.

  He swallowed the mouthful down before talking. "It doesn't seem like that to me." He sang a little, a wry smile on his face. "It looked to me like he wanted you to taste his pancakes! He's just being ignorant and pig-headed as always."

  Okay, what does he mean by that? Either way, it doesn’t seem like I am getting my Pancakes…

  I decided to make my way upstairs, feeling a slight depression cloud loom over me due to my pancake-less belly. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to eat them, the sweet aroma alone was enough to have my taste buds salivating and my stomach growling. But I wasn’t going to give in to Jordan’s idiotic demands, either!

  “Wait, Free! Where are you going?” I heard Josh call after me and I turned back to face him.

  I gave him a sarcastic look. “To Narnia. Where d’you think?” Before Josh could say anything, I turned and continued walking. “Don’t worry, I’m just going to talk with my mom for a while.”

  “Well, alright. Say ‘hi’ to her for me!” Josh yelled back to me as I turned down the corridor and into my room.

  Stupid jerk... All he had to do was give me the damn plate...

  I took the fairy ornament and photo off the bookcase and set it on the floor. I kneeled on the floor in front of them and a gentle smile appeared on my face.

  "Hi mom..." I started, whispering as I gazed at the photo intently. "How are you? I just thought I'd give you an update on everything." My lungs filled with air and I gathered my thoughts together. "I made up with Josh. We're talking again. I am so thankful we are, it was so hard when we couldn't even face each other. And... I took your advice. I'm not going to run from the truth anymore..." I felt my hands start shaking a little and my eyes mist. "I'm not going to hide in the world where you don't exist. You still exist, don't you? Even if it's not in body, it's in mind. And my heart." I placed my hand on my heart as tears rolled down my face. "And you will always be in my heart, mom. Always... I hope... That I can talk to you again in my dreams. You always knew the words to say to snap me out of my funk. You may be gone from my side, mom... But you are always watching over me, aren't you?"

  I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and breathed slowly in order to stop me from hiccupping, a smile still on my face. "Do you remember Jordan? The one who's a big fat jerk? He keeps doing things, I swear, to purposely piss me off! Like earlier, for example. He cooked some pancakes that smelled too good to be true and he wouldn't give me them! He wanted me to play a stupid little game instead. He's a huge jerk..."

  "I don't appreciate it when you talk about me behind my back, little brat." My body jolted and I let out a small squeak when I heard a man's voice from behind me. I turned to my door to see the black-haired culprit with a smug look on his face, leaning against the doorframe.

  I turned my head away from Jordan, hiding a small embarrassed blush. "I-I thought you'd at least knock before coming in..." I mumbled to him.

  Jordan sighed. "I did. Several times. You were too into your conversation that yo
u were completely oblivious!" He explained, rolling his eyes.

  I grunted. "Again, with the 'oblivious' stuff! Am I really THAT unobservant?" Okay, the fact three people have pointed it out, one being my mother, it's getting to me. What is it I am so oblivious to?

  "Was I interrupting?" I snapped out my thoughts when I heard Jordan's voice close to my ear.

  My eyes looked over my shoulder to see him squatting just behind me. "Uh, no... I was just speaking to my mom..." A smile grew on my face as I looked to the fairy ornament. "I've decided that I shouldn't run away from her memory and that I shouldn't hide anymore. I wanted to tell her that..." My voice became almost a whisper to the end.

  "And calling me a 'big fat jerk'?"

  "Hey, I wasn't just speaking about you, y'know!" I snapped at him. "I told her that me and Josh made up, too..." I added.

  I don't know when, but during our conversation, Jordan had positioned himself so that I was kneeling between his legs and his chin rested on top of my head. "You told her about that? When?" He asked me. I could feel his deep voice resonate through my head and around my body. At times, his voice sounded really gruff and... Alluring.

  A small laugh escaped my lungs and I shook my head, Jordan's chin still resting on it. "No, I dreamt about her last night. I still don't know if she was a trick of my mind, or if it was the real deal, but she knew what was happening without me explaining it... I just wanted to ease her mind so she knows everything is alright now."

  I felt a pair of arms coil around my waist and a heartbeat against my back. "Well, illusion or not, she helped you, right? Even if it was a trick of the mind, the fact she was there is good enough, right?" His voice sounded sincere and gentle. I couldn't help but feel my heart warmed by his words.

  "Yeah..." I almost mouthed the word and I leaned my body against Jordan's. Something about him being there just made everything all the more better. Why, I don't know, but it just did. I guess he has that ability up his sleeve... But he's still a jerk. "So why did you come here, Mr Jerk?" I asked him, my voice returning to reality with a slight sternness.