Tell Me Why You Love Me (TMWYLM) Read online

  For over an hour, I couldn't stop hiccupping. And for all that time, Joe and Josh held onto me, with no sign of letting me go anytime soon...

  *

  "Watch your left, Joe!" I yelled at him, leaning to the side.

  "I'm trying! There's just too many!" He stated, leaning forward. "Argh! I'm out of ammo!" He yelled, almost throwing his controller on the floor.

  I gave him a nudge and smiled. "Don't worry, just use the sledgehammer, I've got your back!" I stated, before shooting some creatures with a sniper.

  It was over an hour after I had stopped having an episode and gathered myself. The boys decided I should vent out on killing some Zombies. And I think they were right.

  It didn't take me long to get used to the gameplay and the controls. After that, I went all out on a killing spree. One became two. Two became four. Four became eight. I was on fire!

  "Okay, a girl who can play baseball, watches soccer and can thrash Zombies? I never thought I'd see the day!" I heard Josh announce from his desk, scribbling on a sheet of paper.

  I turned to him and stuck my tongue out, before refocusing on the game. It was somewhat enjoyable and distracting. And it didn't seem I was getting tired of it anytime soon.

  My fun and enjoyment was cut short when I heard Miriam call to us. "Joe, Josh! You're father's home!"

  I rolled my eyes and threw the controller onto the bed. "Great, just what I need." I mumbled to myself. That douche bag had perfect timing. I had only but forgotten about my outburst, now I need to be reminded that he's in my life. Sometimes I wish to run away and never come back...

  I felt a reassuring hand on my shoulder and turned to see Joe give me a weak smile before hopping off the bed and to the door. Josh gave me the same look and left the room, with Joe following after him.

  I didn't go. I didn't want to. But I felt awkward just sitting on Joe's bed in the boys' room on my own, so I picked up my photo I had set beside me and headed into my room to place it back on the shelf, right next to Justine where it belonged.

  I gazed at the photo with a gentle smile and then looked to Justine. I delicately stroked the freesia in her hand before leaving my room.

  I had to face Kyle sooner or later, I may as well go and greet him...

  I dragged myself down the corridor and then down the stairs to the kitchen, where I saw the twins, Craig, Miriam and Kyle.

  Craig was the first one to turn and see me, his childish grin on his face.

  "Freesia!" he announced, running my way and throwing himself at me. I hugged him back and gave him a gentle smile. He was too cute! "Dad came home early! Wanna join us in a game of charades?" He asked me, that irresistible look on his face again.

  Ha, fuck that idea... But how could I possibly say 'no' to such an adorable face? I looked at him and groaned. "I don't know..." If Kyle was playing, no way in the depths of hell am I going to play. But, that face... No! Don't give in!

  "You don't have to if you don't want to, Free." I heard Josh as he made his way towards me, with his twin brother following closely behind. "Craig gets a little too excited when there's mention of a game." He added, as Joe prised the 12 year old from me.

  "Hey! I do not!" Craig protested, stomping his foot on the floor. "I just thought it would be more fun if Freesia played with us..." he mumbled, looking down.

  aw... How can I resist that?

  I was about to open my mouth to answer, but Josh cut me off. "Craig, go with mom and dad and get the game started. We'll join you in a sec." He informed Craig, pushing him by the shoulders to the kitchen, before looking at me with concern in his face. "You don't have to play." he spoke gently.

  "Y'know-" Joe butted in. "There's no harm in giving him a chance. I mean, you played that baseball match with him, didn't you? And you had fun with that, right?"

  I looked down, avoiding the twins' eyes. "Yeah, but that was something I loved to do all my life. Not that I hate charades or anything but... I don't know. I haven't forgiven him for what he did and I never will." I confessed, avoiding looking at the two boys.

  There was a momentary silence until Craig broke it. "Joe! Josh! Freesia! You playing?" He asked from the kitchen.

  "Sorry, Craig!" I yelled back. "I think I'll sit this one out." I heard Craig give out a little moan of protest. "I promise I'll play another time, I'm just not in the mood today, okay?" I tried to reassure him, but I saw him pouting. There wasn't much I could do about it, so I shrugged it off and looked to the twins. "Sorry, guys." I whispered before leaving for my room.

  I felt mean. Craig wanted me to play thinking it would be more fun. But... My resentment towards Kyle stopped that.

  I entered my room and threw myself on my bed.

  "There's no harm in giving him a chance."

  Yeah, no harm, huh? Just like my mom gave him that second chance. And I know how fucking well that turned out!

  My body jolted a little, hearing a knock at my door. I sat up and looked towards it. "Come in." I stated and then watched it creep open, revealing a brown haired boy. It was one of the twins. But only one of them.

  "Hey, Free." It was Josh. "Can I come in?" He asked me.

  I nodded quietly and he made his way silently into my room and closing the door behind him. "What's up?" I asked him as he made his way to my bed, before plunking himself down next to me. "Where's Joe?" I asked, as his eyes met mine. His emerald eyes, just like Jordan's. And they were as seductive as Jordan's, too.

  "I wanted to talk to you about something." Josh whispered to me. "Privately."

  Chapter 13

  "W-what is it?" I stuttered, unable to take my eyes off Josh's. It was something they were showing. Grief, concern, and something else that I couldn't figure out...

  He suddenly turned to face the other way and released a sigh from his lungs. "We never knew our real dad." He confessed, my eyes widening. "Mom told us he ran off with some woman when we were 2 years old. It was so long ago, Joe and I couldn't remember anything about our dad. It was almost as if we never even had one in the first place, so we didn't grieve or feel sad. But..."

  "Miriam did, didn't she?" I sat myself closer to him, intrigued to what he had to say.

  He nodded slowly. "Yeah, Jordan, too. He was 5, so he had a memory of his dad. Actually, the day he turned 5 was the day our dad left. He was supposed to return home that day for Jordan's birthday, but never did. For an entire month, he never returned and my mom thought the worse. But, then... A few days later, she received her bank statement to find that all the money had been withdrawn in one day. And it was on the day of Jordan's birthday. She knew instantly what that man had done, but she didn't let it get to her. Or at least, seem that way in front of us-"

  "Wait." I butted in, drawing Josh's eyes to mine. "If he left your mom when you were 2, then what about Craig?" I asked him.

  I suddenly saw his eyes glaze over and fear flooded in them. "Craig... He... Well, after our dad left with all the money, naturally we became bankrupt. Sure, mom had a job, but she still didn't get enough money in to support us and pay the bills. So, she got a side job on top of that as a... Well... She sold herself on the street." I could see the hurt and fear in his eyes as he tried to say those words. I couldn't help but place a hand on his and try and comfort him.

  How naive was I being? How spoilt was I acting? Thinking that only I had problems... But, their mom... Poor Miriam.

  "Craig's father was one of her clients." He added, as his gaze fell in front of him to my carpet instead. "And, even though mom knew we were still in debt, she refused to have an abortion. Instead, she gave birth to Craig and promised she would never sell herself again. And she kept that promise. Instead, she asked around for jobs and, by chance, she came across a job as a Psychiatrist. She had studied Psychology in University, so she was qualified. A few weeks after applying, she got the job. The pay was good, too so she could support all 5 of us. 12 years later, she remarried. During those 12 years, we were able to afford this villa and, after remarrying, we got persona
l tutors to home-school us."

  Once he had finished talking, I couldn't help but wrap my arms around him. I couldn't help but shed tears for him. I couldn't help but think of how much of a fool I had been. "You guys have gone through so much. I never knew..." I whispered to him, feeling his hands hug me back.

  I heard a small laugh from him. "I wasn't trying to make you feel sorry for us, or anything." He stated, pulling me away, but close enough for me to feel his breath. "I just wanted to show you how much Kyle has helped us. To show you that he isn't a bad guy." His eyes were drawing me in and his voice lowered. "I know he has done things in your past that you will never forgive, but in mine... He's done things that have made our future the way it is now." He turned his voice to a whisper and gave me a gentle smile. "Just, try and give him a chance." He added, placing the back of his hand on my cheek.

  I couldn't avoid his gaze. I never realised how alluring Josh's eyes were, it must run in the family. For some reason, I felt my voice choke as I whispered an "Okay. I'll try..." but it must have been my imagination.

  "Thank you, Free." I heard him. "For listening to me." When he spoke those words, I saw a tear trickle down his face. "I couldn't feel the confidence to tell anybody about anything, but... You're different. It's like I can't help but be allured by you..."

  And with that final whisper of his, he drew my face close to his. Closer and closer.

  For some reason, I felt a blush grow on my face. But not like the ones I had with Jordan. This one was... Different, but I didn't know how to explain it. I felt it, but it wasn't as hot and tingly...

  "There's something about you." He started, lowering his voice to less of a whisper and more like him just mouthing the words. "I just can't draw myself away from you at all."

  After those words, my mind went blank as I felt contact on my lips.

  It was soft and warm and gentle... But something was off... I was being kissed. Kissed. By Josh. My step-brother. He was fucking kissing me! What the hell!?

  But, the worse part was I couldn't find it within me to tear away from him...

  We parted a few seconds later and I went in to minor shock. He kissed me. He KISSED me!

  I couldn't stop staring into his eyes. Those deep emerald green eyes. They suited him, along with that brown hair of his. It was short, but not cropped. And I never noticed how attractive he looked...

  We both jolted as we heard a knock at my door. I stood up from the bed and looked away from Josh's deep green eyes and to the door. "C-come in." I stuttered a little, still in minor shock as to what just happened.

  "Hey, Free. I was wondering if you've seen Josh anywhe-" I saw Joe peer through the door and spy his twin sitting on my bed, a sheepish look on his face. "Josh? What are you doing in Free's room?" he asked, stepping into my room and leaving the door open.

  "Um, he was just talking with me-" I tried to cover for Josh, but I saw him stand up from the bed and run out the room.

  "Josh!" I called after him, not that I expected him to come running back.

  I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned to face Joe, an accusing look in his emerald eyes. They were the same seductive eyes as his twin. "Free. Tell me what happened." he stated in a stern voice. He was worried about his brother, and so was I, but...

  "We just talked. That's all..." I told him a white lie, looking back to my door. Yeah, I was worried about Josh, but I also knew problems would arise if I told his twin brother that he kissed me.

  I heard Joe sigh and he walked passed me and to my door. "I'll go find him and get him to talk." He turned to me with a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about him." He added.

  "Okay." I nodded and smiled back, as Joe closed my door.

  I was left in my room on my own... And I had been kissed. I glanced to the photo of me and my mom, and then to the fairy statue. "Mom..." I whispered, walking towards the bookcase and stroking the fairy's wings. "Now what am I supposed to do?" I asked her, feeling a tear trickle down my face. Not of sorrow, but of sheer confusion. Confusion of what I was supposed to do, how I was supposed to act, and how the boys saw me...

  What am I to them...?

  Chapter 14

  What should I do?, I thought to myself. I was just fucking kissed by Josh but moments ago! Should I pretend that nothing happened? That it was just an 'in the moment' thing?

  But, his kiss... It felt sad. Not that you can feel sadness, but it just had that feeling to it. Like he was just desperate.

  And then there's Joe. He barged in and then went after Josh when he fled. No doubt the twin would get the info out of Josh.

  And then there's the rest of the group. Miriam, Kyle, Craig and Jordan. How was I supposed to act in front of them? I mean, they are Josh's family! It's just going to be so awkward...

  "Freesia, can I come in?" I heard a familiar voice and I snapped out of my panic to look at the door.

  "Uh, yeah..." I mumbled, trying to get my thoughts back on track. Easier said than done.

  I saw Kyle peer his head in my room, a look of concern on his face. I did not want to see him right now. I wasn't in the mood to entertain him. "Hey, kid." He whispered before making his way to my bed and he sat beside me. "I heard you and Josh got into some sort of fight."

  "You're the last person I'd talk to about this." I mumbled, looking away from him and clenching my fists. I wasn't in the mood to bite back at him, but I wasn't going to talk, either.

  I felt a hand on my shoulder, but I quickly brushed it off. "Y'know, kid... You need to open up a bit."

  "Yeah, like you're one to talk..." I butted in, scoffing a little.

  "What do you mean?" He asked me, giving me a quizzical look.

  I turned to him and scowled. "Why did you leave us?" I spoke to him straightforwardly. "What was mom not telling me?" I asked him leaning towards him.

  I saw his gaze avoid mine and he sighed. "Kid, I don't think it's a good time to tell you. Not with this little fight betwee-"

  "We're not fighting!" I snapped at him. "It's just... Complicated. But we're not fighting. I'm not an inconsiderate jerk, like you, who doesn't get his way and causes a ruckus!" I stated.

  With that, Kyle's eyes narrowed and he pushed himself off my bed. "Well, whatever it is, it's affecting the both of you. Try talking it out with one another." He mumbled, making his way to my door.

  "If it only were that easy..." I whispered and looked up to Kyle. "If something happens to you and you didn't want it to happen, but couldn't stop it, what would you do?" I asked him. Wow, asking advice from Kyle... Never thought that would happen.

  I saw his face turn to me and give a weak smile. "Get some professional help." He replied before he left my room.

  Professional help? What the hell? Was he telling me I should ask somebody who has been kissed before and how I should cope?? Like hell I'd do that...

  But what should I do? It's not like I have anybody to go to...

  I glanced to my bookcase and to the photo.

  Mom... She'd know what to do. She always knew what to do. Wait... Mom!

  I stood up from my bed and headed to the bookcase. I ran my finger over the several books until I came across Gulliver's Travels. I flipped it open to the centre page to find a heap of sheets of paper.

  I took them out and flicked through them. There must have been something here that could help me... Even just a little bit... Ah!

  No matter the fault, if it is true friendship, it will all work out.

  If it is true friendship... She told me this when I had a fight with a group of friends of mine. But it didn't work itself out at all.

  In fact, they started bitching about me. I knew that was never true friendship to begin with. But... Is it true friendship with Josh?

  I tried looking for another one that may help. I stopped at one with a small stain on the paper, a teardrop.

  Whatever happens, you are never alone. Even in the most difficult of times.

  That's right... I resorted to this one the first day I was here...
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  Now that I think about it, I can't possibly be the only person who has been in a similar situation like this, right? There's bound to be somebody out there... I wonder how they coped...

  My body jolted and all the sheets of paper fell to the floor as I heard a knock at my door. "C-come in!" I called, crouching down and trying to gather the sheets up and back into the book. I didn't want anybody to see these.

  "Hey, brat. The old man said you were acting strange and had a fight with Jo-"

  "It wasn't a fight!" I corrected Jordan, as I slipped the book back where it belonged. "And I can act whatever way I want to! There's no law against it, right?" I stated, throwing myself back on my bed and looking at the ceiling.

  "True..." I heard Jordan mumble and he sat beside me. "But there is a rule that people start acting differently because they're trying to hide something." He added, giving me a stern look.

  I turned my head to the side, avoiding his deep emerald eyes. "And you think I'd tell you?"

  Suddenly, my door slammed open and a brown haired boy appeared. "Free! Is what Josh told me true!? Did he-" Joe stopped himself as he saw Jordan sitting beside me. "J-Jordan..."

  "Did he what?" Jordan asked him, slipping off my bed and walking to the twin, who seemed a little panicky. When there came no reply from Joe, Jordan punched the wall directly beside Joe's head. "What did he do to Freesia!?" He growled at him.

  I went to Jordan and pushed his hand off the wall. "Jordan, stop it. This involves me, not you. Just back off." I stated to him, a confident look in my eyes. "This is my problem. And I have to deal with it." I added, looking into his eyes full of anger and slight fear.

  He glanced back at Joe before forcing his way passed him and out my room. "Fine." he spoke through gritted teeth as he left.

  I released a sigh from my lungs and gave a look of guilt to Joe. "What did he tell you?" I asked him, leaning my body against the wall.

  I saw Joe gulp a little before looking at me with his emerald eyes. "That he kissed you."